Response to Proposal Notes...

Hey there! After a full read through of the comments, I decided to start at the end and work my way to the beginning - skipping the cover letters and the abstract, because both did not have edits.

For the references, I used citation machine, and I noticed the issue with first and last names as something that I must have mistakenly entered incorrectly. As for the lack of indentation, that was my mistake again, because these are not new things to me - I have heard most of them before.

I do like to use dashes in my writing; I feel like those, more than anything else, all me to connect my writing without showing the thought processes involved in the connection, which probably isn't the best way to go about doing things.

Sexual discrimination is an issue in the sport horse community, but I understand how you mean that it can be distracting, however, I wanted to use at least a part of the research that I have already done in my proposal, only I feel that this might not have been the best place to use it. I need to work on coming more to terms with my own writing style, and try to use this organization to fit in different topics without confusing the readers.

I could definitly do a table for the budget, possible a chart or other graphic organizer.

In the Methodology section, there are some problems. I believe that most everything could be cleaned up by making a second section for the first paragraph, perhaps something like a description of the print resources used for this project. Then I could single out the specific methods, in my methodology section and there would be a lot less confusion.

The biggest question that I noted was the differences between the idenitification and correction of the weakness/problems addressed. It has been my understanding that a company will not employ someone to tell the what there problem is, if that person cannot also tell them how to fix it. This might be my own misconception, but I believe that the two go hand in hand, and are both relevant for the research proposal.

I like to give background information, in that Show Jumping Inc. executive committee might not even remember something like the origins of the sport, or even better yet, of the organization. I would also like to establish the fact that I have done some research already, and I know a good deal of information about their company; basically, this is what I have already learned, I'm not some schmuck off the street. I wanted, more than anything, to make a good impression, right from the start.

I did forget to put up the dates of the Enclosure acts - ooops :P!

As for the initial comments, I guess I feel like longer sentences allow me to get in everything that is needed, without making transitions a necessity. It is the same issue for the '/' and the '-'; I am trying to put too much into the same sentence to avoid having to use my transitional phrases. I like to combine ideas in my head, but the area of similarity never quite makes it to the paper, especially when I use the dash. It's definitly something to give a lot of thought to as I make corrections.

Thanks for looking everything over - and thanks for the helpful comments :D!!!